Spring This Fall: New Growth Breaking Ground
Many of you have read about my physical journey over the past two+ years if you have been following my blog. For those of you who don’t know, in short, a heavy chair fell on my foot over two years ago (July 2018), and I am just now beginning to walk a bit. Before my injury, I had planned to start a scholarship mentoring business, as I helped both my daughters go to college for almost free at very expensive private schools. But that plan was nixed.
The first few months after my accident was not as bad as what was yet to come. I had to sit all day, but my pain was localized to my foot and ankle. We set a commode next to the recliner, and I stayed put with little else to do—I read and prayed a lot. I also began an in-depth study of the book of Matthew. My son-in-law, a minister, brought me a couple of commentaries on Matthew; I drew and wrote on a large poster board unique insights the Lord gave me.
Downward Spiral of Pain
By October, I could not hold a pen or a book. My whole body was neurologically on fire. I sat in our (husband Mark) bedroom and stared out the window and cried, eyes transfixed on our nearly barren Aspen trees. I did try to walk, but my attempts to get better were hurting me further. Two separate physical therapists gave me two additional injuries, and a podiatrist, who refused to listen to me, sent me and both my feet in a downward spiral of pain that kept plunging me into deeper darkness as the days passed.
Finally, I was hospitalized because I could not use my hands or feet due to the pain’s intensity. Imagine not being able to use your hands or your feet; pain searing throughout your body. Can you think of anything you can do besides sit and cry? I felt as if I had spikes driven through each of my hands and feet.
Mark scarcely left my side. You can read our complete story here. He cried helplessly with me, wiping both our tears.
Books on tape and meditation music at night to calm my anxiety became steady, soothing friends. I dreaded going to bed because the pain kept me awake; I feared getting up—pain gripping me daily with not an ounce of mercy.
One Step Forward, Mighty Stride Back
By physical default, one and a half years before COVID hit, I had already been practicing stay-at-home orders. Every day was worse physically and emotionally than the day before. I didn’t know if I’d ever walk again. When I took a step, I was set back a mighty stride. Usually, I am super busy with many interests and plans, so being still was exceedingly difficult.
One year after my hospitalization, my hands began to heal. I could hold a cup and pump my hair spray. After reading Brené Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection, I gained the courage to begin my imperfect blog. Writing helps me process my grief and bring me full circle to gratitude. Writing is what I look forward to in my days. I can do it while my feet are still healing. Although—good news—I have recently walked without assistance to the bathroom, around the house, and to an occasional outing to a restaurant or Bible study!
I resurrected my Matthew study and am excavating more in depth into the Lord’s Prayer and The Sermon on the Mount. I am finally writing that book I never had time to write. I would never have guessed it would be on The Lord’s Prayer, but God has given me insights through my trials for this book. They are very personal and inspired by Him. He is writing through me as I pray to him, “What do you want me to see and write today, Lord?” And then together we write. He shows me, and I simply put the words to paper. I’ve never experienced anything like it!
When I wake up, I am not afraid anymore. My pain has allowed me to see things differently than I had before. I see the Lord’s Prayer, the gospels, the healings Jesus performed, and my whole life from a completely different perspective.
I am finally thankful for this trial and its forging path. I love to write, like many of you reading this! I have no idea when God and I will finish His books (one also in progress about the healings Jesus performed, of course!) 😊, but I am having a blast spending hours in the Bible together with my Maker, seeking to understand his truths in more profound ways. I think Spring is coming for me this Fall. New growth is breaking ground.
Note: I highly recommend reading Brené Brown’s book, The Gifts of Imperfection. Expecting perfection from myself kept me from doing many things I wanted. Her words gave me courage to step out and write imperfectly, as well as start my nutrition counseling business again. If you click on the book name it will take you to my blog library and you can purchase it directly from Amazon.
Note: Even more highly, I recommend reading the Bible and starting in the book of Matthew. If you are interested in purchasing a Bible, you can also click on the book name and you will be taken to my blog library where you can either purchase the one listed in the library or search in the search bar for all the many different options. I personally read the NIV version. If you cannot afford a Bible, and would like one, I would be exceedingly happy to purchase one for you and Amazon will send it directly to you. Visit my contact page to reach me.
The Lord’s Prayer
This, then, is how you should pray: “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.” (Matthew 6:9-13)
How has The Lord’s Prayer spoken to you? Please share your insights!